OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
