Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
