I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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