weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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