Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
