he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
