i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
