finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
