Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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