Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
