This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This baby is an asshole
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
