Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
