And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
