We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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