Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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