ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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