i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
