after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
