Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
