I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
