I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
