I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
