okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize