No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
