I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
