I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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