I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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