His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
