week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
