two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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