Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
