She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
