I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize