I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
