mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
