My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didn't shave. On purpose
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
