i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
