party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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