My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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