Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's paint friendship bongs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
