i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
