Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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