I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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