Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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