I accidentally burped into my bong.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
