Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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