She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
