My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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