I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
