he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
