hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
