Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
