She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
