she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize