So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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