How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
