Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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