Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize