hotel room ftw
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
