is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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