Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
