this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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