my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
