I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
