Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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