Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
