Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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