did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
