Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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