i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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