they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
