It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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