he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
