I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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