What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm like, not good at living.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
