Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
North Korea, Best Korea!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
