The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
