he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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