I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
