"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
