the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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