I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
