Say something about gay babies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
