Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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