i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
