One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
