True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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