I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
