the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
