Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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