I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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