could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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