i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
