Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I smell stomach acid.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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