I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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