i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
