i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
