i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
