I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
