Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
