i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
