youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
