It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
