i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize