i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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