He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
