Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
