either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
