How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
