so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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